Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
