I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
