shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
