is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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