My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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