I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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