I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
