If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've blown a few things in my day
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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