Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
