You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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