sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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