Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she told me i tasted like america
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
