i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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