when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
