While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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