So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
