Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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