God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
