Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, beer. Big fan.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
