just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
