She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
