I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
