shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
