Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
