A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
