omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
