i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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