I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
