I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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