I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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