What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
