Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
