tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
