I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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