I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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