could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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