I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
