I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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