Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
