sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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