I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize