just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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