Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
