i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
