um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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