my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
