i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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