An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
