how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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