Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
