Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
