You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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