i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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