Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
