My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
