you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
