I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
