is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She is in my trunk
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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