was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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