Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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