puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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