Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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