My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
