Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
