walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
