Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
