She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you had me at cake vodka
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
