Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
