I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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