it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
