yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
