Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
