i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i came on her dog
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
