I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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