I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
