member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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