When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
