Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
