i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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