My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
