At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
