S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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