Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
