my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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