i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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