hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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