I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
