you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
no you cant smoke seaweed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
