I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
