So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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