I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
