After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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