dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
