yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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