my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
